#+title: 260509

at the last bit of the day, respite.

i worked so hard to do nothing today. i guess the most distinctive part is my talk with siib, and even that came at a price.
i enjoyed it quite a bit, but i do wonder who's wrong–these inefficencies, or me?

it's easy to say i'm just weak
that i haven't done enough
        been enough
        screamed enough (?)

and it makes sense. like, trust me , it does. i know i haven't done the moving yet or the this or the that. and i did manage to do them in the end after that nap that felt like dying when i crawled out of the dopamine-less cave. the darkest cave of the adhd-er. ultimate disinterest and uncaring ambiguity

so now it's important i don't go too far in the other direction, right? so i can one day come into balance?

i'm not so sure about that. it might just be who i am. i might just be weak and strong in cycles and waves like ocean and high-beam sun.

i remain convinced im just weak tho
until every time i stand up
so i guess i'm only being weak.